Dunkin’ Donuts CEO Reveals A Loss of $1 Billion Since Going Woke: “We’re Sorry, Won’t Try That Again” Full story :

Dunkin’ Donuts CEO Reveals A Loss of $1 Billion Since Going Woke: “We’re Sorry, Won’t Try That Again”

In a shocking revelation that has sent tremors through the fast-food industry, Dunkin’ Donuts CEO Dave Hoffmann has admitted that the company has suffered a staggering $1 billion loss after what he described as their ill-fated foray into “woke” politics. The confession, made during a hastily organized press conference outside the company’s Canton, Massachusetts headquarters, left investors, customers, and employees alike reeling.

We’re sorry. We won’t try that again,” Hoffmann stated, his voice heavy with regret as he sipped what could only be assumed to be a non-political cup of coffee.
For those who’ve spent the past year sipping lattes and assuming the world of doughnuts was immune to the culture wars, Dunkin’s CEO confirmed otherwise. According to Hoffmann, the company’s decision to embrace what he labeled “woke ideology” was “the biggest corporate blunder since New Coke.” And, much like the ill-fated soda debacle, Dunkin’ is now scrambling to course-correct before its glazed empire crumbles entirely.

The debacle began innocuously enough—an ad campaign featuring a diverse cast, a rainbow donut, and a company-wide declaration that Dunkin’ stood proudly for “inclusivity, equity, and love.” It sounded like a recipe for success in 2023, right? Wrong. What Dunkin’ apparently didn’t anticipate was the sheer ferocity of the backlash from some of their most dedicated customers.

“We thought we were just adding a little extra sugar to the mix,” Hoffmann explained with a wistful smile that suggested Dunkin’ might never be able to sugarcoat this situation enough. “We never imagined that supporting equal rights and diversity would lead to people boycotting their morning coffee. But… here we are.”

The campaign, which included slogans like “Love is sweet, and so are we,” and a donut adorned with the colors of the rainbow flag, seemed harmless to most—just another brand hopping on the social justice bandwagon. But as the campaign spread, so did the hashtags. #GoWokeGoBroke began trending on social media within hours, with many customers taking offense not to the message of love, but to the perceived political undertones of their once-neutral, comforting coffee stop.