Breaking: Lia Thomas Banned From Participating In Women’s Sports, “She Doesn’t Fit”

In a world more obsessed with rules than a hall monitor with a new whistle, the International Women’s Sports Federation (IWSF) announced today that Lia Thomas, the lightning rod trans athlete, has been banned from participating in women’s sports.

First, let’s address the elephant in the room or, in this case, the grizzly bear on the diving board. Ms. Thomas, a trans woman, has been kicking up waves—quite literally—in the swimming world for some time now. It seems that every time she plunges into the water, she also plunges us into the heated depths of the debate about trans athletes in sports.

Well, the IWSF, having all the sense of a group that names itself after an imaginary federation from Star Trek, has decided they’ve had enough of this hullabaloo. They’ve shown Thomas the exit, in the same manner a matador waves his cape, saying “hasta la vista, baby” or whatever it is that Spanish bullfighters say.